Go Time
Has anyone been offended when you gave her or him a compliment? Did they ask you to take it back? I bet they didn’t, and I would place a bigger wager they smiled, thanked you, and left the exchange feeling good about themselves and about humanity. They may have even walked away wondering why they don’t do those kinds of good-natured things.
One depressing Friday afternoon in December of 2020, I set out to conduct a social experiment: Operation Connect. Society was amidst the height of the COVID pandemic, and a highly tumultuous presidential election had just wrapped up.
The tension in the air was palpable, division ran wild. It felt as if we were each an island unto ourselves.
One of my earliest mentors told me she enjoyed her job at a coffee shop because she had the opportunity to lift spirits through kind interactions. I wanted to see how people would respond to a smile and a wave from me, a stranger. I was determined to brighten people’s days and what better time to try than the end of 2020.
Let me set the stage: Life in my town is safe. There is little crime, and it’s not uncommon to look someone in the eye. It’s not a rare event for the produce manager at my local supermarket to drop his apples and walk me to the bread aisle when asked where the bagels are. I don’t have to lock my doors if I don’t feel like it. The last burglar in my neighborhood was a black bear who ransacked a home like a rock star trashing a hotel room. It’s not like this in every town and city. (If you attempt this experiment, please make sure to employ your natural instinct for safety.)
We are taught to protect ourselves when roaming about the world. Rightly so, as there is plenty to guard against. At times, we need to feel out imminent threat before engaging with another.
However, we must be mindful that entering the world with dukes up will ensure negative interactions.
Question the situation while keeping an open mind that fear of physical safety may not be warranted. We need not choose fear unless we are in survival mode and need to muster the gusto to thrive. It may be alive only in your head—nine out of 10 times it is. Once you gauge the safety of the situation, and it’s obvious that your emotional vulnerability is the only risk factor, that’s when I challenge you to jump in. You can determine if your emotional vulnerability is threatened by the rise in your stomach, a.k.a. anxiety. A slight tinge of anxiety means you should make a move. A major surge of anxiety speaks the opposite: back away.
Feel into it. If the person is emanating a message of “I’m not in the mood today,” respect that and leave them alone. If they seem melancholy or aloof but you glance and they give you warm eyes, it may be an invitation to disarm their arsenal of defensive emotions, and to engage. (Stare downs are not recommended. You will appear maniacal!) I am not suggesting revolutionary change in the form of annoyance or overstepping boundaries.
A conductor of honest connection recognizes and respects other’s boundaries.
A solid acknowledgment indicates it’s Go Time! It’s the perfect opportunity to spread love—take it, throw a smile and a wave. An actual hand up, five fingers spread out nice and wide. A smile and a nod get the job done too.
Operation Connect went well. (Wearing my COVID mask made it challenging, but I had the eye-smile down pat!) Everyone smiled and waved back, everyone. Some people looked at me with confusion, not because I was a weirdo, but because they thought they knew me. I capitalized on tedious chores like returning books to the library, picking up stamps at the post office, and buying groceries to spread positivity and kindness. I connected and helped others feel seen and safe in my presence, and to feel less alone during a time of forced solitude.
If you’d like to be an Ambassador of Connection, raise your hand. The universe sees you. Now go out into the wide world and be one.
