Trust Your Child’s Process

As a sober alcoholic married to another sober alcoholic, and with mental illness in our families, I worry about the road my children may travel. It doesn’t keep me up at night, but it’s a concern. If you suffer from mental illness and/or addiction, or have these issues in your family, you may be concerned as well.

We are often told to trust the process. It’s hard enough to trust the process when it comes to our own lives—when it comes to our children’s lives, it’s exceptionally difficult. We fear the harm that may befall them, or that they will not end up being the people we think they should be. 

As parents, it is our obligation to guide in a direction that builds character and provides coping skills, but ultimately our children will turn out how they will turn out. They have individual soul plans, as do you. You must trust in your child’s life lessons and experiences to shape them into the humans they are meant to be. You have to trust their process. How exactly do we do this?

We move from fear to trust.

Fear is the thief of trust, and it shows its mischievous face as control. Release fear-based control and trust that your children have their own Higher Power; they have their own inner guide. This higher consciousness will provide the lessons without you having to interfere too greatly. Most lessons will create resiliency, and teaching our children to be resilient is one of the greatest assignments we are entrusted with. Antithetically, we teach it by interfering as little as possible. This may cause your child some pain. And that’s okay!

We must let our children experience the uncomfortable pangs of life, however discomforting they may be.

We have to trust our children’s ability to achieve without doing it for them. We have to believe in their capacity to bounce back from difficult situations without coming to the rescue. We remain nearby while giving our children wings to fly; staying close in case they need us, like a mama owl who pushes her babies out of the nest, watching, waiting for them take flight. If they do not catch wind, we will be there with open arms to welcome them back to the nest for more nurturing.

Believing in your child’s ability to fly, instead of protecting them from every harm, will instill self-worth and make them feel loved.

Alternatively, constantly coming to their rescue gives the message that you do not believe in their character or intelligence, and this will lead to low self-worth. This lack of belief may manifest as poor life choices as your kids believe they are what you say they are. (Actually, they are what you show them YOU are, but that’s for another post!)

Showing your children that you believe in them by trusting them to make good choices (and to bounce back from poor choices) will contribute more to your child’s well-being than any amount of saving will ever do.