We’ve been taught self-love is immodest, vain, and full of conceit. This false narrative passed down through generations is a myth that needs some serious busting! Loving yourself is not egotistical. Believing beyond the shadow of a doubt you are good and worthy of love is the most unselfish, altruistic posture you can take. It’s your gift to the universe, delivered with a ginormous, gold sparkly bow. When you learn how to love yourself abundantly, you will trust yourself to step into uncomfortable emotions as well as difficult conversations and become an agent of connection rather than disconnection.

The opposite of low self-worth is immense self-love. We must allow limitless self-love to move in and through us if we want to join in deep, meaningful connection with ourselves and the world around us—if we want peace. If self-love is the solution, how do we get there? We stop the judgment, and the shaming. If self-love is the solution, how do we get there? We stop the judgment, and the shaming. People are a projection of how we feel about ourselves. We must stop shaming ourselves if we intend to stop shaming others, and we must stop shaming others.

Don’t let anybody tell you that your grievance is less significant than anyone else’s, for pain does not wear the same face. Your ache is not the same as mine and it’s not supposed to be. This is not a rivalry of trauma, nor do you need to justify its severity for it to be true for you. We do not need to compare struggles to validate yours since no one can place a value on your pain but you.

Pushing someone to change is a projection of our own insecurity and fear, and it may feel like judgment to the person on the receiving end. Trust their Higher Power to guide them through experiences, to teach them what they need to know. You do not need to fix, change, or make anyone better. When you trust in another’s soul path, you will not feel the need to interfere. Your anxiety around their behavior will lessen and you will be free to focus on your own life.

I’m an extreme person and can take healthy independence to a foolish, self-defeating place. My well-established trauma-induced fear response makes it easy to slip into detrimental self-sufficiency. Desperate to feel secure, I convince myself all I need is inner strength to pull me through. I flounder for answers that aren’t coming while thinking “I’ve got this,” only to be left feeling dejected. Sinking deeper into disconnection and depression, I distance myself from my Higher Power and the people who want to help me. This insidious form of self-sabotage is a destructive personality trait I must keep in check, and I do it through collaboration.

After witnessing a tense interface between strangers, my nine-year-old daughter asked, “What if the only language was, ‘Hey, I love you?’” What if? Actually, why not? Why not use your humble power to create a positive interaction while in a tense situation? Responding in a way that serves the whole, not just yourself, consistently, will help you to trust yourself to show up peacefully, no matter the situation.

It’s no secret the world is aching for good energy. Shining my light benefits my mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical health, but more importantly, it encourages others to shine theirs. I consider shining my light to be a duty and an obligation when moving about the world. Being the light is cyclical and grows in power as you practice: The energy you put out is what will come back to you. When you shine light outward, you invite divine light to enter your being, boosting feel-good chemicals which make you want to keep shining. Intentional transmission of light and love carves neural pathways that seek deeper carving.

You should see my calendar, especially this time of year. My days have too many events scheduled and with each deletion, I get a dose of pleasure. On the other hand, when items on my to-do list are not complete, I feel a tinge of failure, and stress; it’s one more thing I have to do tomorrow, which is already jam-packed. I’ve battled this need to be productive since I became a mother, therefore busier. I not only battle it, but I also embrace it, full-fledged, because I’m excellent at multi-tasking. Running and gunning fuels me. I thrive under pressure and thriving gives my ego a nice little boost. I get a thrill knowing I can handle it all!

Could the age-old spiritual principle of gratitude coupled with presence raise your spirit when sorrow hits? Can this shift in mindset release you from painfully trying to change the past, and not only accept but enjoy life in this moment? The present is where we are mindful of what is happening right now, in this minute—not last week, last month, or last year. The present is the best time to tap into gratitude for who you were then, who you are now, and who you are becoming.

The seed is miniscule in size yet plays a mighty role: it cultivates the harvest. As small as it is, the seed is essential, for without it there is no bounty. Significant indeed, it remains humble in its service to the harvest, knowing that without the crop there is no future seed. The tiny grain exists solely to serve the whole. The parts (individual humans) exist to serve the good of the whole (humanity).

I always knew I would write a book but was stunted by fear after my first attempt in 2011. During a moment of crisis, I pulled up a fresh Word document and began typing away. I titled it My Life and wrote for one hour. I never added another word to that document. A decade later, after another moment of crisis which lasted three years, I again felt compelled to honor my soul’s intention and started writing while running on my treadmill.

Loss matters, but what we choose to do afterward matters just as much, if not more. It’s what lives on, affecting your life. The afterward represents your level of healing and determines the quality of your relationship with yourself and others. Therefore, it’s wise to focus on the forward march. Death is not the only type of loss we face throughout our lives. Grief comes in all shapes and sizes.

It’s challenging (and quite frustrating) to make heads or tails of the behavior of some powerful people on Earth. We may view them as immoral, but they, like us at times, are fellow sufferers caught in the trappings of the material world. Their sometimes unmanageable human instincts, driven by fear, are what make them strive for worldly possessions and control. Good news…we don’t have to make heads or tails of their behavior, or anyone else’s; it’s not our job to figure it out. But we often try, and we do this through judgment.

Grief is not reserved for the human species alone. Lions endure a rigorous grieving process that can last for over a month. These behemoth animals known to be the brawniest creatures on Earth mourn the loss of loved ones too. When finished moaning in agony, the lions regain composure and tend to the business at hand: cleaning their cubs, hunting food, and frolicking with playmates. I do the same as I plummet deep into my grief and rise with a mission to heal.